Last week's blog about anti-boss memes hit a nerve. The feedback was overwhelming - apparently a lot of you have been feeling misunderstood by your teams.
But the most common response was: "Okay Sel, but HOW do I actually tell them I care without sounding like I'm playing the victim or making it about me?"
Here's the thing: there are lots of behavior's and actions you can implement to show you care consistently over time. I'll be writing about those in future posts.
But some of you just want to address this disconnect RIGHT NOW. You want to bridge the gap between what your team thinks and what you actually feel.
The Direct Communication Approach
I've always been someone who communicates with my team through writing. I used to have "Founder's Friday" emails where I'd share what I was thinking about, what challenges I was facing, and what I was working on for the team. It gave them insight into my role and helped them understand the "why" behind decisions.
If that's not your style, maybe you just want to send a simple note. Something honest and direct.
If you're thinking about doing this, here's a template you can adapt:
Subject: Something I've been thinking about
Hi team,
You've probably seen that meme floating around social media: "If you dropped dead today, your job will replace you tomorrow. Stop killing yourself for a job that doesn't care if you live or die."
Every time I see it, it bothers me. Not because it's directed at employers, but because it suggests that caring about business success means not caring about people.
I want you to know that's not true here.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make this a better place to work. I lose sleep over difficult decisions that might affect you. I wrestle with salary budgets, trying to balance what I want to pay you with what the business can sustain. I worry about taking on projects that might stretch everyone too thin.
If you've ever felt like I don't see your value or care about your success, I need you to tell me. Because that's not the reality, but perception matters.
In the meantime, I wanted you to know: this business exists to create value, and it also exists to create good jobs for good people.
You're not replaceable. You're not just a number. And your wellbeing matters more than you probably realize.
Thanks for letting me say that.
[Your name]
Making It Your Own
Obviously, this needs to be in your voice. Some of you are more formal, some more casual. Some of you have bigger teams, some smaller. Adjust accordingly.
The key is being genuine and direct, acknowledging that there might be a perception gap without apologizing for running a business or making it about your shortcomings as a communicator.
What Happens Next
Will one email fix everything? No. But it opens the door for better communication going forward.
And that's where the real work begins - in the consistent actions and transparent decision-making that prove what you wrote in that email.
More on those strategies coming soon.
Sel
P.S. This stuff keeps me up at night too. I've wrestled with how to show care without looking weak, how to be transparent without oversharing, how to bridge that gap between intention and perception. It's some of the hardest work of leadership, but it's also some of the most important. If you need help figuring out your approach, let's talk.
